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Locating a "Missing" Ex-Spouse
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If your ex leaves without notification or refuses
to provide a forwarding address, there are a number of steps to take
to find her. Start with the easiest, and work your way down. You can
do these simultaneously if time is of the essence:
If the move was within the last couple of days, check the trash at the
last known residence. Once it is on the street, it is generally deemed
to be in the public domain. Apartment complex trash bins are fair game
as long as the management or residents don't complain (so pick a time
when the office is closed and there are not likely to be many
complaints). It doesn't hurt to wear old clothes and rub a little dirt
on yourself. If you do that, fill a bag up with aluminum cans as you
search.
Send your ex a letter at the last known address. Mark it clearly
"ADDRESS SERVICE REQUESTED" (write this in bold letters and then
underline it with a red pencil). If she has left a forwarding address
at the post office, it will (hopefully) come back marked with the new
address on it. Make sure you include a real letter, however. The post
office has been known to make a mistake and accidentally forward the
mail, or your ex may still be checking the old mail box.
If the child is in school, check with the last known school and see if
they have a
record
of the forwarding school. Make sure you check your state laws on
access to school records, as well as the federal statutes. Many states
have very specific statutes granting non-custodial parents full access
to school records.
If you know what city your ex is in, you can send letters to every
school in the area requesting records. Make each letter sound like it
is the only one so they don't know you are just fishing. It is
generally a good idea, but not absolutely necessary, to include a copy
of the birth certificate or court papers showing that you are the
parent, along with a copy of the state and federal statutes that
provide you with full access to the records. It can significantly
reduce the delays.
Another thing you can do if you know what city your ex is living in is
to check with the utility companies in the area you think they moved
to and ask about the status of your water bill because you "haven't
received one for a while". Ask them to "verify" the address they have
on file- usually they'll read you the address you're looking for right
off their computer screen.
Try to think of any other records you can access that would show the
new location. Think of everything you put your name and address on. Be
creative- there are lots of ways to gather information. Some are more
ethical than others. Go through your own bills to see if they give you
any ideas. Realize that you know all of the keys to getting this
information, such as mothers' maiden name, social security number,
birth dates, and more. Use what you know to find what you don't.
Try some of these free or low cost resources on a regular basis. You
are unlikely to find anything at first, but as time passes and
databases get updated, your chances of success increase:
(Listed in no particular order)
Evidence.com homepage
WebGator
The Private Investigators Mall
WAITE'S WEB
WORLD - NET SPY - Internet Intelligence Resources
The Official Private
Investigator Directory - On-Line
ISIS
Intelligence information
Infotel: Background Checks -
Public Records - Criminal Records - Information Retrieval
locate
people- find friends, search, investigative resources
Be a Cyber Detective, from
Stepmoms.Net
Public Records from KnowX.com - public
records NOW!
GAO-OSI-97-2 Investigators Guide to Sources of Information
The
International Salary Calculator relocation, cost of living, real
estate
Getting the Dirt
The Stalker's Home Page - No
More Privacy!
Shoals Investigative
Services
JournalismNet
Checkdomain.com - Check
international domain names
The ARA Skip
Tracing Tool Box
The
Virtual Chase - The Annotated Guide to Resources for Legal
Professionals
The Reporters Committee for Freedom
of the Press
(Includes information on the legality of taping and recording in
each state)
Crime Time Publishing
Co.
(Click on the Black Book Online for a wealth of information
sources!)
If none of these work, try some of the free or low cost
investigative resources listed in
TGB's Links on a regular basis. You are unlikely to find anything
at first, but as time passes and databases get updated, your chances
of success increase. If none of these work, you can always hire a
private investigator, but make sure you show him what you have done so
you don't pay him to repeat the work.
Copyright
FRTC 2000. All Rights
Reserved.
May be freely copied and used provided the FRTC attribution line is
kept intact and the FRTC link is included.
Our thanks to TGB for this information.
Page Location: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/findingex.htm
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RELATED READING:
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"Striving for Peace:
Managing Conflict in Non-Custodial Homes" is the MUST HAVE guide for
every non-custodial home! Enlightening information on the
reasons behind the often difficult behavior of ex-spouses, and
practical information on how to combat the daily strife of
non-custodial parenthood. Free yourself and your family...
Download the eBook Now!
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Family Life magazine said, "In many ways, dealing with an
uncooperative former spouse is like dealing with a difficult child:
You've got to set limits, express your feelings clearly, and pick you
battles with care. The authors' strategies for mediating the many
issues in a separated parent's life are apt and easy to apply."
![](http://images.amazon.com/images/P/1885171285.01.MZZZZZZZ.gif)
Sue Patton Thoele's book, "The Courage
to Be a Stepmom" is well written and speaks to stepmothers as not just
stepmothers but as women and caretakers who need to remember to take
care of themselves as well as their stepfamilies. Her book
demonstrates to stepmothers not only the various stepmothering issues
and coping strategies but also how to take care of their spiritual,
mental, and physical well being throughout the process. Ms
Thoele's book also sites personal experiences from her own twenty-five
years of stepmothering and her book is wholesome, healing, and easy to
read.
William
C. Klatte's "Live-Away Dads" is a reassuring and practical guide for
divorced fathers who want to remain actively involved parents. A
social worker and psychotherapist who has been a custody advisor to
the Illinois Courts, Klatte rightly counsels fathers to come to terms
with their emotions, a crucial first step toward diffusing conflict.
Next, he expertly leads fathers through the stages of setting up
visitation, cooperating with mothers to improve communication, and
working on parenting skills.
Pickhardt
shares his years of experience as a psychologist and offers a very
useful resource for step fathers and bio-fathers for understanding the
multiple changes that affect step families. Issues of multiple
alliances, boundaries, even gender differences about step fathers
relating to step sons and step daughters, and more are all included in
this book which helps normalize the process of step family
development. He is very accurate in his description of the
developmental process of step-family development, estimating a minimum
of 2 years for step families to come together as a working unit
Since
the divorce procedure has become, legally speaking, nearly as
innocuous as apple pie in America, the task has fallen to
psychologists such as Shulman to provide both adults and children with
the tools to get on with their lives. In this book, devoted to the
immense parenting problems of divorce, no space is wasted with
esoteric or gushy narrative; Shulman writes in the style of a how-to
manual. The book nonetheless achieves its stated goal of being "an
unintimidating and practical guide to help with the adjustment
process." From the basics of "Creating a Co-Parenting Plan" to the
specifics of handling the problems of children from infancy on up to
age 18 in dealing with the divorce milieu, Shulman provides practical,
straightforward capsules often broken down into useful steps. Though
this is most suitable for divorced parents as a "ready reference"
guide for thinking quickly on one's feet, public libraries would
certainly do patrons a service by adding it to their collections
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